“How are you feeling today?”
Hisaki shrugs. “A
little tired, but not too bad.”
Trevor nods, but doesn’t make any notes on his tablet. He’s about Hisaki’s age, also Japanese. Someone probably told the asshole officers
who did this to him that he would respond better to someone “just like
him”. The office is spartan. Hisaki is pretty sure this isn’t a genuine
office, just where they have Trevor meet the dishonorably discharged lunatic
they want to keep an eye on. He’s met
other patients on his way in and out of the office, but they could easily be
plants. The one time he asked, extreme
paranoia got added to his diagnosis.
After that, he decided to stop giving them fodder.
“Not sleeping well?”
“I’d sleep fine if the apartment managers would let me put
up blackout curtains.”
Trevor checks his tablet.
“Right, yes. Your apartment is
across from a 24 hour shopping complex.
They don’t dim the neon at night?”
The tone is so innocent that Hisaki wants to punch him. You
know damn well they don’t. He quells
the feeling.
“No.”
“I’m sorry about that.”
For a second, he almost sounds genuine. Hisaki focuses on him a little, but he’s
completely unreadable. Odds are these
sessions are recorded and scoured for any little sign that Hisaki is going to
turn on them and let the whole world know that the Americans and their allies
just loosed a pack of psis on the world.
“Thanks,” he says after what he hopes isn’t too long of a
beat.
“Have you had any luck looking for work?”
“No. I know I could
probably get on as an over-qualified fry cook, but I just…can’t.”
“I understand. You
have years of training and experience that should put you well above having to
take a position like that.”
Hisaki nods and a self-deprecating grimace appears on his
face. “But, as we both know, I’m far too
unstable to even think about trying for work that utilizes that training and
experience.”
“Did you look into a nice, quiet office job like we talked
about last time?”
“I did. Even went to
a few interviews. It was a waste of
time. I spent so long off the map that I
don’t really have a presence that the interviewers trust. The dishonorable discharge doesn’t help.” He puts a fair amount of venom into “dishonorable
discharge”.
Trevor frowns very briefly then makes a note on his tablet
and slowly says, “Do you still feel that was unfair?”
“No, of course not. I
disobeyed a direct order knowing the consequences. I put my life and the lives of others above
my duty. You can’t get more dishonorable
than that.” He barks sarcastic
laughter. “Can you imagine? Putting life and doing the right thing over
duty? I’m lucky they didn’t hang me.”
“I’m sure your superior officers had very good reason to
give you those orders and put those repercussions on them.”
The slight warning tone to Trevor’s voice makes Hisaki pause
a little. He realizes he’s about to
overstep some lines and, probably, end up with more on his list of “diagnoses”
and more drugs to take. He takes a deep
breath and slowly lets it out.
“Of course. No
military will put their own people in harm’s way without very good reason.”
I just wish I knew
what the reason was.
Trevor smiles then makes another note on his tablet. He looks back up at Hisaki. “Is there anything you wanted to talk about
today?”
Hisaki looks at him for a long moment then says, “I have
been wondering something.”
The unreadable mask returns flawlessly. “Of course.
Anything. I will do my best to
answer.”
“Am I a disappointment to you? I’m a disappointment to my country, my family….
You’re the person who’s supposed to fix me and I still sit here broken. Is that a source of failure to you?”
Trevor regards Hisaki for a long moment then does something
he’s never done and sets his tablet aside.
“I, more than anyone, understand that a human being can not
be fixed over night. You may not see it,
but you have made great strides since we started our sessions. You have much better control over your
anger. You are able to cope much better
with a situation that is less than ideal.
Yes, we do still have some work to do.
It might take months. It might
take years. But you will never disappoint
me.”
Hisaki fights the urge to stand and start a slow clap. He pretends to mull over Trevor’s words then
nods and forces a genuine smile.
“Thank you.”
Trevor picks his tablet back up.
“Now, how do you feel about talking more about your family
today?”
Hisaki takes a deep breath and shrugs. “Sure.”
*****
The bus stops a few blocks from Hisaki’s apartment complex
in south Seattle and he slips out the back door as people board the front. School and day jobs are in session so the
street isn’t too busy. A couple of
people are out walking their dogs. The
teriyaki, Indian, and Mexican restaurants are making the air fragrant with
lunch preparations. He starts to head
into his apartment building when he gets a sense of vertigo that makes him stop
in his tracks. Someone bumps into him
and he turns to apologize, assuming he held someone up by accident, to see a
familiar woman with auburn hair and wearing jeans and a dark green T-shirt
walking away from him.
“Aislynn?” he calls after her, but she doesn’t turn
around. There’s traffic, so it might be
hard to hear him. He walks briskly after
her.
“Aislynn!”
Still, the woman keeps walking and doesn’t turn around. She reaches an intersection and heads across
the crosswalk, the hand flashing in warning.
Hisaki starts to run toward it, but it changes before he gets there and
traffic starts to go through. He tries
to keep an eye on the direction she’s going, but loses sight of her when she
turns a corner. Finally, the traffic
stops long enough for him to dart across and try to pick up her trail
again. He turns the corner he last saw
her turn, but there’s no sign of her anywhere.
There’s no telling where she could have gone.
“It’s not good to be chasing after ghosts, now.”
His mind reels as he stops in his tracks and he’s back in
the field running away from heavily armed military ghosts, bullets whizzing
past his armored head. He remembers the
smell of scorched grass and the screams as the ghosts died. The feeling of Aislynn in his mind is strong,
as though she’s still there guiding him and helping him save them. He lost her the second they landed back on
the transport ship and never saw her again.
Hisaki forces his mind back and turns to a hobo sitting
against the wall of the apartment building he had stopped near.
“What did you say?”
“It’s clear you’re not running from, but after. Except there’s no one here but you and me and
there hasn’t been no one here but me for a bit now.”
Hisaki looks up and down the narrow side street and realizes
the hobo is right. All the pedestrians
are walking along the main road. The
only building entrance on this side is the fire escape. Across the street, the brick building has
just a few windows starting two stories up.
At best, this is a service road to get to the dumpsters behind the
buildings. He frowns.
“I guess you’re right.”
He digs in his pocket and pulls out a couple of small bills
then hands them to the hobo and heads back to his apartment in a shaken fog.
You can find the first part here: Imaginary Nikoda.
You can find the first part here: Imaginary Nikoda.
